sometimes i read my blog and laugh at the things that i say. sometimes it makes me nearly embarrassed to see what i said. sometimes i even consider deleting the less-than-flattering entries. but then i think that i really did feel and think those things, and that just because my perspective has changed doesn't mean that that silly entry wasn't me, wasn't exactly right, exactly what i was experiencing. so who cares about saving face anyhow.
today i went on a very good run. i have to say that i am proud of myself for running. yay me. anyway, my very favorite part of running is where i run. i am going to describe it to you quite vaguely so that it will still be my place, because i just might be that selfish. when i go running, i run up the small hill to the main road, run along the road, make a turn sometime later, and then another, and suddenly there is an enormous hill (the same hill which may have inspired the original usage of the word hill for its sheer greatness) right in front of my face. really, it is very daunting. naturally, i do not have the superhuman strength to continue running up the steep slope, so i slow to a walk. it takes a very labored four to six minutes to get to the top of the hill, but this part is my very favorite. as i hike, i try hard not to look to my left, but to only look at the sidewalk in front of me. this is because once i reach the top of the hill, i stop by the fire hydrant and finally allow myself to look beyond the ground to the picturesque display of God's creation before me. the first thing i always notice is the mountain. on a clear day, it stands to the east, firm and very there. it is breathtaking. you could even say that it is loud. it absolutely demands attention for its very presence, and so i always give it what it wants, breathing a prayer of praise and awe to God. after i'm done gawking at the mountain, i gawk at the valley i live in. it is surrounded by beautiful blue mini-mountains, and fenced in by evergreens. from the hill i can see housing developments and a school and a shopping center and some more housing developments, but what i love most is to look beyond that, almost straining my eyes to focus in on the pastureland and the green fields and the stately trees that stand guard over them. i feel so safe seeing those things. like God has fenced me in, and nothing will hurt me here.
today as i jogged down the other side of the hill, i nearly tripped in surprise at what i saw there. near the bottom of the hill, there is some undeveloped ground that was dirt and is now grassy, and today was teeming with geese. geese! i absolutely burst out laughing. a whole flock of geesen (haha) just meandering in the little field, all facing the west together. it was fascinating. and just now as i was thinking about it, i realized that they are probably getting ready to migrate, if indeed geese do that. it is the middle of september, for crying out loud. you see, for the past year i have lived in a kind of constant summer, and this little reminder got me thinking of the cold, wet months that are coming. i am anticipating them so much it is ridiculous. but even now as i am thinking of this, i am realizing how quickly the time is cruising on by, and i am motivated a little more than before to be preparing, just like those geese.
this is my growing time. the time between times in my life, i feel like. the time God has given me to pause, reflect on the past, and decide on the future before i embark on my next adventure. even though right now it seems like there's not so much deciding happening, and a little more embarking. but i am also learning to trust God in this growing time. i am realizing that He allows everything in my life to happen exactly the way that it does because He loves me.
everything.
because He loves me.
and i am learning that (duuhhhhh) He knows better than i do, and that even when i think i'm right, of course i'm not right, because God is right.
so these are the kinds of things that are happening in my head right now. if you're reading this and you're still with me (congratulations), pray for me. please pray for me. and pray for yourself, that you would be using your growing time as God meant you to. because He did mean for you to be, and He meant for all this to happen.
and i'm really glad He meant for the geese to happen today. that was a nice surprise.
