all right, God. i'm all done.
i'm all done striving, all done trying this hard. nothing i'm doing myself is helping, so i'm just gonna be all done.
it all seems to come down to this: trust in myself or trust in You. and it seems so brainless that i would even be struggling with this. i mean, all creation screams that You are real, and i know it's true; i cannot comprehend why i keep taking back my problems. You can handle them, and i clearly cannot. i believe in You with all my being, but for some reason i keep stressing myself out and overthinking and becoming discouraged.
i believe You know what is best for my life. of course You do, You see everything from beginning to end. You crafted me before i had breath, and You know everything i'll do.
i guess sometimes i want what i want more than i want what You want. soooo...that's dumb. like i even have any say!
i also know that You know what i want, and You created me to be just exactly the way i am, to have these ambitions and dreams. Your Word says, "delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart," (psalm 37.4). i'm taking this promise, Lord. only teach me how to delight in You.
i believe You can handle this. You hold the world in Your hands and keep the planets in orbit, and still You involve Yourself explicitly in our tiny little lives. You deserve all of me; all my hope and all my love and all my trust. my entire life. i'm gonna stop right now, God. i'm gonna stop accusing You of wrong and let You do what's right. oh me of little faith.
