i have been thinking.
i have been thinking way too much.
at present, my days are full. i can't stuff anything else in the daylight hours - i can hardly find time to do what i must. i am putting untold miles on the corolla, and burning out mix cds faster than i can make them. and i haven't even started school yet......ahhhhhhhhhh.
as a result, because i am working so much, either alone or at least isolated, i spend an unhealthy amount of time in my own head.
i hardly see my friends anymore (sometimes it's out of sight, out of mind).
i am not eating very well, or very much, because i'm never home and i'm rather poor.
i never get to go running...!
i think my mom feels like an empty nester even though i do still sleep at home.
i feel stretched too thin.
and i am SO SICK of hearing my thoughts all the time! it's so dull, so repetitive. like my life...
have been recently trying to sing hymns and praise songs while i'm washing dishes at the cafe or setting up the paints at preschool or swinging with owen. i have found it so helpful to redirect my mind out of the rut it gets into from such mundane use.
I MISS PEOPLE!
even though i'm around them all day. i feel like i only ever have time for the initial hellos and how's it goings, never time enough to get real, to ask questions and laugh and be in relationship.
and while i'm still "in the Word" every morning, still singing to Jesus through the day, i feel closer to Him when i can stop....and be still....and listen.
so my heart is heavy.
but i tell myself that this is just a season, and it will pass. see the leaves outside! already they are showing the hope of something new.
i want to be a passenger. i am forever driving myself all over the earth - i want somebody else to be in control of the car. (not sure if this is symbolic right now.) i want to be with another person, and go where they usually go, see how they usually see things, figure out somebody else's head for once. i want to let down.
i want to stop.
