i babysat zack tonight. he's one of the best kids on the planet. i was his first babysitter, right after he got off the plane from india, so we've got a really special connection.
i love zack for countless reasons. he is a smart kid, even if he isn't school-smart. he is the sweetest thing, and such an affectionate person, always wanting to know things about you.
tonight we were talking about how i used to sing with the worship band on sundays and how he'd like to see me up there. i told him i don't do that anymore, and he said that's okay; he likes me for me, not for my voice.
that's the most amazing thing i think anyone's ever said to me, and he's eight. i just really appreciate that. i mean, a lot of people don't know me. they just know my voice. it's just so nice to be loved for me.
Jesus, thank You for zachary. You've created such an amazing boy in him. give him sweet sleep tonight. thank You for bringing him into my life and for making Yourself known to him at such an early age. bless him greatly in his life.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Monday, April 9, 2007
wonderful day.
i've discovered a beautiful new thing. i've discovered a magical and lovely place i forgot about or maybe never knew existed.
it's morning.
i get up just early enough to see the sky change colours and to witness the sun stretch through the trees on the horizon. it is such a perfect way to start my day.
before i began watching sunrises, mornings were a thing to be rushed through, grumbled through or slept through. but now i feel like i've missed out if i missed out on the day's masterpiece.
there is something so very fresh about mornings. i think it's in the air. whatever it is brings everything into focus for me. God created this day for a purpose, and has purposed me to live in it.
therefore every day is a wonderful day.
i would encourage you to get up. just get up and go outside. go outside, and breathe. listen. enjoy. it'll change your life.
it's morning.
i get up just early enough to see the sky change colours and to witness the sun stretch through the trees on the horizon. it is such a perfect way to start my day.
before i began watching sunrises, mornings were a thing to be rushed through, grumbled through or slept through. but now i feel like i've missed out if i missed out on the day's masterpiece.
there is something so very fresh about mornings. i think it's in the air. whatever it is brings everything into focus for me. God created this day for a purpose, and has purposed me to live in it.
therefore every day is a wonderful day.
i would encourage you to get up. just get up and go outside. go outside, and breathe. listen. enjoy. it'll change your life.
Sunday, April 8, 2007
going.
i have so many mixed feelings about california right now. i feel the need to make a pros and cons list.
GOOD THINGS ABOUT MOVING:
- ad ven ture.
- excitement
- new places to see
- brand new friends
- awesome church camp
-like atmosphere of for-real christians
- independence
- freedom
- test of faith
- huuuuuuge growing experience
- new people to learn from
- i get to pump my own gas
- exploration of this beautiful world
BAD THINGS ABOUT MOVING:
- away from family
- strrrrretch of friendships
- NO familiarity
- no portland :(
- lots of money for airfare...and sales tax
- no car
- adjustments beyond all reason
- sadness
- must be entirely self-sufficient
- what if i forget stuff???!!
- basically estrangement in general
but then, there are bad things about not going, too. i would probably miss out on the growing experience of my lifetime, miss out on people i could have met, maybe even the ONE i'm supposed to meet, miss out on ever so much lost adventure, and miss out on that wonderful Jesus-focused atmosphere.
my mom told me the other day that all the other kids at master's are going to be going through the same things as me- coming from far away, moving out for the first time, having to start anew, just like me.
and God will be with me. i know i won't be alone. i'm just scared to be by myself. california is a big place.
i think above most things i'm afraid to lose friends. now, don't just automatically scold me and say that true friends never lose touch blah blah blah. i know that distance tests all things, i think that's one of the reasons why Jesus isn't still here walking around with us. the distance we percieve to be there tests our faith and belief. anyway, long distance is extraordinarily difficult no matter how you slice it. i understand i have myspace and facebook and email and snail mail and the telephone, but i do not like to communicate like that, and that's nobody else's first choice, either.
oh God, this is going to be so hard.
Jesus, i know that if this is where You want me to go, You're going to help me through it the whole way and not strand me 20 hours away from home.
oh Lord, everything i know is coming to and end. i am so terrified, God. i want to go. You've given me a desire to get out and to LEAVE, but i am going to miss my home so much, i'm crying just thinking about it.
every time i think about college and leaving and being alone, God brings to my mind this verse:
"peace i leave with you; my peace i give you. i do not give to you as the world gives. do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - john 14:27
i know You have not given me more than i can handle, so Jesus, i am trusting this entirely to You. i cannot worry about this anymore. i want to be excited for this new phase in my life, and to be excited for my faith and my self-confidence to grow. i know You will give me peace if this is something i'm to do.
GOOD THINGS ABOUT MOVING:
- ad ven ture.
- excitement
- new places to see
- brand new friends
- awesome church camp
-like atmosphere of for-real christians
- independence
- freedom
- test of faith
- huuuuuuge growing experience
- new people to learn from
- i get to pump my own gas
- exploration of this beautiful world
BAD THINGS ABOUT MOVING:
- away from family
- strrrrretch of friendships
- NO familiarity
- no portland :(
- lots of money for airfare...and sales tax
- no car
- adjustments beyond all reason
- sadness
- must be entirely self-sufficient
- what if i forget stuff???!!
- basically estrangement in general
but then, there are bad things about not going, too. i would probably miss out on the growing experience of my lifetime, miss out on people i could have met, maybe even the ONE i'm supposed to meet, miss out on ever so much lost adventure, and miss out on that wonderful Jesus-focused atmosphere.
my mom told me the other day that all the other kids at master's are going to be going through the same things as me- coming from far away, moving out for the first time, having to start anew, just like me.
and God will be with me. i know i won't be alone. i'm just scared to be by myself. california is a big place.
i think above most things i'm afraid to lose friends. now, don't just automatically scold me and say that true friends never lose touch blah blah blah. i know that distance tests all things, i think that's one of the reasons why Jesus isn't still here walking around with us. the distance we percieve to be there tests our faith and belief. anyway, long distance is extraordinarily difficult no matter how you slice it. i understand i have myspace and facebook and email and snail mail and the telephone, but i do not like to communicate like that, and that's nobody else's first choice, either.
oh God, this is going to be so hard.
Jesus, i know that if this is where You want me to go, You're going to help me through it the whole way and not strand me 20 hours away from home.
oh Lord, everything i know is coming to and end. i am so terrified, God. i want to go. You've given me a desire to get out and to LEAVE, but i am going to miss my home so much, i'm crying just thinking about it.
every time i think about college and leaving and being alone, God brings to my mind this verse:
"peace i leave with you; my peace i give you. i do not give to you as the world gives. do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - john 14:27
i know You have not given me more than i can handle, so Jesus, i am trusting this entirely to You. i cannot worry about this anymore. i want to be excited for this new phase in my life, and to be excited for my faith and my self-confidence to grow. i know You will give me peace if this is something i'm to do.
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