when is change coming?

TRUST and OBEY.

i heard another sermon today about trusting God with my future. HELLO! i feel like God's been slapping me around with this truth for a long time.

i like to say that i trust God, because it's true. i do trust God, in the sense that i know in my brains He is huge and enormous, and the embodiment of love and faithfulness, and powerful enough to make all things come together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. see, i know this in my brains.

but what i feel in my heart is neglect. and i feel like garbage for saying this. again, i know in my brains this is the furthest possible thing from the truth, but this is what i am feeling. nothing i want to happen is happening or seems to have any hope of happening. my dreams are gathering dust, and my heart is all twisted up with hurt. and now i am having a little pity party on the world wide web.

i wish somebody would just tell me what i'm supposed to do.

i feel like i'm in a waiting room.

i understand that God has a plan for my life. i understand that He makes no mistakes, and that this awkward transition time is part of the plan. He is not surprised by any of this. which is a small comfort to me.

none of my blogs have happy endings. i've come to rather hate happy endings, because i feel like they are not true to life.

now i'm rambling. ramble ramble ramble.

Lord, please show me something.